Domestic Violence: The Line between

In recent time, there is hardly a month, without cases of domestic violence being reported. The surge has led to untimely death of many victims. ROYAL IBEH, in this report, examines the measures to be taken to stem its prevalence in Nigeria.

Not many Nigerians will forget in a hurry the tragic story of the Nigerian gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu who died in the hospital after suffering from an alleged domestic violence from her husband, Peter Nwachukwu. Peter was alleged to have kicked Osinachi in the chest, leading to a blood clot that eventually killed her.

This was not a onetime incident, the deceased mother said, even as she accused Peter for threatening that his late wife would only leave the marriage in death.

Late Osinachi’s mother also revealed that she and the rest of her family was not allowed to visit her. “I was not allowed to see my grandchildren for eight years and was never allowed to come for “Omugwo” (traditional Igbo custom for postpartum care by the woman’s mother) when they were born.

She did all her best to persuade her daughter to leave the marriage, but late Osinachi insisted that divorce is a sin. “Now, my daughter is dead,” she lamented.

Late Osinachi is not the only victim of domestic violence. Recall that few months ago, the Lagos state police arrested one David Idibie who live at Ajah, Lagos state, for the death of his 42-year-old wife, Juliana Idibie, who was found dead in their apartment.

The state Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO), Olumuyiwa Adejobi, said the man was arrested for allegedly beating Juliana to death, adding that, they found the body of Juliana in their apartment after a neighbour contacted the police.

Late Osinachi and Juliana are just the few Nigerian women who are victims of domestic abuse and who suffered extreme physical violence in the hands of their husbands up until their deaths.

A study titled: “Domestic Violence among Women in Nigeria and Its Health Implication – Review,” revealed that there is high level of violence against women in Nigeria.

The report stated that in South East, Nigeria, 70 per cent of respondents reported abuse in their family, with 92 per cent of the victims being female partners and eight per cent being male. On women’s perception of wife beating in Nigeria, the study showed that 64.4 per cent and 50.4 per cent of ever married and unmarried women respectively expressed consent for wife beating.

In Lagos state for instance, data from the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT) showed that in 2021, the agency dealt with 2,584 domestic and sexual violence cases for adults, out of which women were the greatest victims with 2,349 cases. The data showed that Alimosho local council recorded the most number of domestic violence cases, closely followed by Ifako-Ijaiye, Ikorodu and Kosofe local councils.

The DSVRT data further showed that 143 cases were reported in January 2021 with women accounting for 133 of the total number of survivors. Most of the women were aged between 18 and 45 years. Again, Alimosho local council led in the number of cases closely followed by Kosofe and Ikeja local councils.

Factors associated with the occurrence of domestic violence occurrence in Nigeria included ethnicity, culture, religious practices, socio-economic dependence, gender inequality, psychological factors, power and control, the study stated.

In the same vein, a Nigerian mental health advocate and psychotherapist, Dr. Maymunah Yusuf Kadiri said domestic violence, which is a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner, is prominent in Nigeria as in many parts of Africa, adding that there is a deep cultural belief in Nigeria that it is socially acceptable to hit a woman to discipline her.

Kadiri tells LEADERSHIP that cases of domestic violence are on the high and show no signs of reduction in Nigeria, regardless of the age, tribe, religion or even social status. While citing the United Nations Women report, the psychotherapist disclosed that since COVID-19, 48 per cent of Nigerian women have experienced at least one form of violence.

“The incidence of Gender Based Violence (GBV) is growing astronomical with the activities of the insurgency in the North East. From forced and early marriages to the physical, mental or sexual assault on a woman, nearly 3 in 10 Nigerian women have experienced physical violence by age 15,” she added.

When asked when a woman should leave an abusive marriage, Kadiri said it might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, she said abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time.

Kadiri, while listing the signs of an abusive marriage as, “You might be experiencing domestic violence if you are in a relationship with someone who calls you names, insults you or puts you down; prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friends; acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful; tries to control whether you can see a health care provider; threatens you with violence or a weapon; hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets; blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it and many more.”

Despite these signs, Kadiri said many women will not want to leave their home due to the fact that being a victim of domestic violence can be a lonely journey. Aside the fact there is a deep attachment to the perpetrator which might make it difficult to leave the union, there are also other factors that might contribute to finding it hard to leave which includes concern for the kids, how society will view her, religious beliefs, lack of support from relatives and friends, fear of being attacked by her partner and more importantly financial factors, she explained, adding that the man could have probably been the sole breadwinner of the family.

She may be reluctant to leave her marriage due to what I called, ‘Stockholm syndrome’, the name for a psychological response to captivity and abuse, Kadiri said, adding that, “A person with Stockholm syndrome develops positive associations with their captors or abusers. A person can develop Stockholm syndrome when they experience significant threats to their physical or psychological well-being.”

She however called relevant stakeholders in the fight against domestic violence including the government to create avenues through which this can be addressed. She advocated that job opportunities should be provided for women; skill acquisition workshops should be organized; policies should be introduced to balance gender equality in organizations; grants should be provided to help with business startups and every state in Nigeria needs to domesticate the Violence Against Person’s Act (VAPP); a key piece of legislation that prohibits certain practices and abuses that infringe on the rights of women, girls and the vulnerable in our society.

“Also, support has to be provided to the victims which can involve validating the emotions of the victims; loved ones should be involved as a first point of contact during an emergency; awareness should be created to reduce stigma; connecting them to professionals who will guide them through the healing process and creating safe spaces where these women can express themselves and get help,” she added.

In the same vein, Legal practitioner and gender advocate, Rekia Rachael Abejo-Andrew said domestic violence comes in form of physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological, adding that, whatever kind of domestic violence, nobody should stay in any abusive marriage or relationship.

“We have seen people who are single, yet entangled in an abusive relationship and they tend to believe that the man or woman would change with time. Nobody can change the next person. You are only responsible for your own action. You cannot control how the other person should behave,” Abejo-Andrew tells LEADERSHIP.

Citing examples of domestic violence, the gender advocate said, “From the cases of domestic violence we have seen, they begin in subtle manner. Maybe you engage in a conversation with your spouse which progresses into an argument and then the man slaps you. That is how it begins. Or, you are married to a man who tells you not to associate with anybody, not even your family members that he does not want any interference from family members, everybody should stay on their own, and gradually, by subtle means, he cuts you off family and friends. You now discovered that you are entirely depended on him for everything. By the time he starts beating you, you don’t have anyone to run to.

She disclosed that some of the survivors of domestic violence tend to stay in the marriage because of their children, adding that if she dies, the children will still survive, with or without her, adding that nobody should suffer in an abusive relationship because of children.

Abejo-Andrew however tasked all stakeholders in the fight against domestic violence to step up advocacy, so that more women can become aware of their rights.

In terms of policy, she said there are a lot of policies put in place to tackle domestic violence, however, the implementation is the problem. “We lack the will power to implement the laws and policies that are already in existence. I therefore call on government agencies to step up by implementing the laws put in place to protect women and girls against violence.

Most survivors of domestic violence do not have the will to want to seek justice, Abejo-Andrew said, while advising them that, “If he hits you once, he will definitely do it again and again and again. And if you make excuses for him the first time, you will see yourself making excuses for him, over and over and over again, hence the need to seek for justice.”

She also advocated that the gender desk must be functional. “When people report cases of domestic violence, let investigation be conducted. Let us have the names of convicted perpetrators registered in that section offenders register, to serve as deterrent to other people who are waiting to perpetuate this evil called domestic violence,” she added.

Assistant director, Community Orientation Mobilization Officer, Mrs Mope Ayanfalu who spoke with LEADERSHIP at a workshop organised by Spotlight Initiative, also called on government to provide shelter for survivors where they will be empowered with skills that can help them cater for themselves and their children.

“In addition, government should enforce caught and shame policy, in that the perpetrators will be disgraced in various media platforms. We also need more counsellors to go to schools to educate young girls on sex education and what they need to do if someone tries to abuse them. There is need to address some cultural norms that encourage violence against women and girls in the society,” she added.

In holding government accountable, Ayanfalu said CSOs and NGOs have the authority to ensure that women are protected, that judicial process is followed and that the perpetrators face the consequences of their actions.

First published by Leadership Newspaper.