Awareness: Learning to Live in the Here and Now

Awareness: Learning to Live in the Here and Now

Has it ever happened to you: holding a book or an article in your hands and suddenly realizing that you don’t remember a single line of what you read two minutes ago? Have you ever caught yourself not noticing that you suddenly raised your voice at a colleague, even though a second ago you were cheerfully discussing a customer and there was nothing to signify a conflict? Or could you not relax and enjoy playing online slots because for some reason, you remembered about tomorrow’s meeting and the fact that the baseboards at home are not cleaned?

Most people would agree that at times they are only half ‘here,’ that they seem to be dreaming in the present, losing track of what is happening or otherwise slipping away from the situation in the present. On the one hand, in this way, our psyche avoids serious shocks and experiences. On the other hand, not being present in the moment, we cannot hear ourselves or understand our emotions, we are unable to choose what we need. But everyone can change the situation: you can do it by practicing mindfulness.

What Mindfulness Is and Why We Need It

Mindfulness is the ability to focus on the events and experiences of the present without running away with one’s thoughts into the past or the future and without giving any judgment to one’s feelings. Why is it important to practice this skill?

The ability to be and feel in the here and now helps you recognize habitual ways of behaving and relating to others. This means that it gives us a chance to abandon patterns that have long been neither satisfying nor particularly helpful. By practicing mindfulness, we become capable of abandoning patterns in both thought and action. It makes us less dependent on external evaluations and circumstances and helps us understand ourselves better.

Awareness can be of great benefit in those moments when we experience extreme emotions. By recognizing them and giving them a name, we gain the power to deal with them as we see fit. And then feelings and experiences no longer govern our behavior.

Awareness is necessary to pursue one’s interests and make the most appropriate decisions at any given moment in life.

Is Mindfulness Always Pleasant?

When we try to live consciously, we begin to experience joy, inspiration and other positive experiences more clearly and voluminously. In this state, we can, for example, give up the obsessions that prevent us from enjoying the moment.

For example, many people, while experiencing pleasure, cannot give themselves to it completely. In the head, there is the voice of the grandmother or mother: “You have to pay for everything,” “If you laugh now, then you will definitely have to cry.” For example, when we are offered a really interesting and well-paid job, we can automatically say to ourselves, “There’s definitely a catch.” Then we either accept the idea, get upset, and ruin our evening – or we stop and remember that the company has excellent feedback from former employees, that it’s well regarded in the industry, that at the interview you have already agreed to a clear framework of the working day. So mindfulness helps to abandon the introjects and self-fulfilling prophecies, to lean on reality and feel their right to happiness.

But one must keep in mind: the practice of mindfulness makes not only positive feelings more pronounced, but also neutral and negative experiences. For example, in some situations we will realize that we are completely indifferent to something that, for some reason (for example, it’s the custom in our environment), we are used to censure or glorify. Or we will feel a completely uncolored interest in some phenomenon, either dark or light.

On the road to mindfulness, we will have to deal with emotions and feelings that we used to label as negative. Who likes to feel fear, hatred, disgust? Nevertheless, these will have to be recognized and appropriated more than once. According to Perls, the moment something unpleasant happens to us, we run away from that feeling. It makes us feel better for a while, but by doing so, we impoverish our emotional palette, impede our own development, and risk ending up in a dangerous – morally or physically – situation. After all, negative feelings signal that our boundaries have been violated, or signal to us that our values are threatened.

Moreover, we have to take an honest look at ourselves, and learn a lot about our feelings. And if before this there was an idealized image of ourselves, the practice of mindfulness can easily destroy it. For some, the experience will be quite painful, but it will also bring them into contact with those aspects of the personality in which a great deal of energy is hidden. Awareness allows not to suppress them, but to use them for one’s own development. For example, when feeling irritated about the success of a co-worker, we can stop for a moment and talk to ourselves: “I envy my colleague. Why? What are her strengths that help her be so productive? Is there something I can learn from her?”

How to Develop and Practice Mindfulness

Yoga, Taoist practices, and various types of martial arts allow us to focus on the body and begin to better recognize the signals it gives off. Furthermore, the training process (especially the one that involves contact with other people) doesn’t allow us to be in the clouds: while sparring one cannot think about an incomplete thesis, while playing soccer dreams about tomorrow’s trip may lead to a missed goal.

There are other ways. Frederick Perls suggested the following practice – try for a few minutes to compose phrases that express what you are aware of and noticing at the moment. Begin each of them with the words “here and now,” “in this moment.”

You can ask yourself periodically throughout the day: “What happens to my body now when I don’t get my work done on time?”, “How does my body respond to joy when I see a loved one?”, “Do I feel hungry, thirsty?”, “Am I cold? Am I stuffy?” Some people even put reminders on their phone to practice mindfulness two or three times during the day in this way.

It’s impossible not to mention mindfulness meditations. The first few are small intervals to begin with, 1-2 minutes is sufficient. Gradually it is possible to bring their duration to 15-20 minutes and even more. Sit comfortably, relax and focus your attention on your breath or sensations in the body, or on the sounds around you. Don’t worry if your mind runs away at first: with time you will learn to gently bring it back to the “object” of meditation. You may practice meditation alone or join a group with an experienced master who will help you tune in to the right wave.

Is It Necessary to Be Conscious All the Time?

Mindfulness can be a good habit, but rarely can anyone maintain it throughout the day. And is it really necessary? After all, it isn’t an end in itself, but a tool that can be used to make life more fulfilling, holistic and varied, to open up new sources of resources and energy within oneself.

The pursuit of mindfulness is laudable, but if it becomes compulsive, if you are anxious and guilty about not always being in the moment, it may not be so helpful. According to Perls, “the urge to grasp the present, to pin it down like a butterfly, is doomed to failure. Relevance changes all the time” and one shouldn’t expect mindfulness to be a magic wand, a key to all doors. In addition, there is a risk that this way of interacting with the world of feelings and people will take on a toxic, dysfunctional form.

The Dark Side of Mindfulness

In recent years, there have been many speakers and organizations on the market that promote mindfulness as a product. Marathons, mass meditations, courses – it seems that soon it won’t be possible to get a job or just buy a loaf in a store without a certificate of completion of such an event. But we should remember about the “dark” sides and side effects of such practices.

Misunderstood Awareness Can Interfere With Your Contact With Others

Often people lead a somewhat one-sided understanding of mindfulness: by considering and monitoring our own emotions and acting on them, we sometimes forget that others may react differently to it because they have their own experiences as well. But the ability to endure the encounter with another’s feelings is also part of a conscious relationship with the world.

For example, you decide here and now that you don’t want to go out with a friend because you’re not in the mood. And you are in your right! But if she’s already waiting for you in the subway, chances are no amount of mindfulness appeal is going to stop her from getting mad at you – and she has a right to be, too. So what should you do? Try to be mindful not only of your own boundaries and feelings but also the boundaries and feelings of those with whom you are in contact. And if at some point you choose to act on your own preferences, but it can have a negative effect on others, try to be prepared for their reactions, not to devalue them. That is to say, engage empathy.

Sometimes Mindfulness Practices Worsen Mental State

Not many people talk about this, but not everyone should practice mindfulness. If you are very disturbed by past events or a future prospect, mindfulness can only aggravate your condition. Anxiety and guilt may activate inside because you can’t stay in the moment and track every emotion all the time. Even meditation is contraindicated for some people: for example, experts in Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy don’t recommend such practices for those with a history of psychotic episodes, bipolar disorder, self-harm, or suicidal tendencies. Even if you have no such contraindications, consult with a professional and make sure you choose the right moment to learn mindfulness beforehand.

Awareness Alone Won’t Solve Any External Problems

It helps to know oneself better and stay in touch with one’s emotions. However, mindfulness alone is not enough to make a qualitative difference. For example, if you are more invested in a relationship than your partner, your practices won’t help to shake it up (after all, we remember that it’s impossible to influence the other person). To find a job, you will still have to send out resumes and go on interviews. Concentrating on the “here and now” is not enough for happiness and success: you will have to act on the new “data. If you are constantly practicing mindfulness, and nothing in your life changes in particular, perhaps your condition requires consultation with a psychologist.